Today, on Father's day, I think it's time to talk about the struggles that daddies sometimes share with us frustrations when it comes to balancing work and family. As women in a male dominated field we spend a lot of time discussing the issues we face and sometimes don't recognise that we can find a common ground with our father colleagues. As an architect mum sometimes it feels like I have to choose between being a good professional and a good parent, and that's not fair. That's why I was so happy to have a conversation with another dad architect who was expressing his struggles in work-family balance.
He told me that he loves his job, and he loves his family. He wants to be involved in his children's lives, but he also wants to advance his career. He feels guilty when he has to work late or travel for a project, but he also feels guilty when he has to miss a deadline or turn down an opportunity. He wonders if he is doing enough for both his work and his family, and if he is setting a good example for his kids.
I could relate to his feelings, because I have been there too. I have faced the same challenges and dilemmas as an architect mum. I have had to juggle deadlines, meetings, presentations, site visits, school events, doctor appointments, homework, playdates, and more. I have had to deal with the stereotypes and expectations of being a woman in a male-dominated field, and a mother in a competitive industry. I have had to find ways to cope with the stress, the pressure, and the guilt.
Balancing work and family is a common challenge for many professionals, especially in the field of architecture. A recent survey of 1,000 architects in the UK revealed that 67% of them had experienced work-family conflict, and 41% had considered leaving the profession because of it.
Work-family conflict occurs when the demands of the work and family domains are incompatible, and as a result, participation in one role is made more difficult by virtue of participation in the other role.
There are three types of work-family conflict: time-based, strain-based, and behavior-based.
Time-based conflict happens when the time devoted to one role interferes with the time available for another role.
Strain-based conflict arises when the strain or stress from one role affects one’s functioning or performance in another role.
Behavior-based conflict occurs when the behaviors required or expected by one role are incompatible with those of another role.
Work-family conflict can have negative consequences for both individuals and organizations, such as reduced job satisfaction, organizational commitment, performance, and well-being, as well as increased turnover, absenteeism, stress, and burnout.
However, work-family conflict is not only a personal issue, but also a social and gendered one. According to a study by Duxbury and Higgins (1991), women often face more challenges and expectations than men when it comes to balancing work and family roles, due to societal norms and stereotypes.
For example, they found that women are more likely to experience strain-based conflict, when the stress from one role affects their functioning or performance in another role. They also found that women are more likely to reduce their work hours or change their employment location to accommodate their partners’ careers, compared with men.
On the other hand, a study by Mody et al. (2022) found that men are more likely to consider their careers more important than their partners’, and to receive more support from their partners for their work. These gender differences can create inequalities and tensions in both work and family domains, and affect the well-being and satisfaction of both men and women. Therefore, we need to challenge the gendered assumptions and barriers that create work-family conflict, and foster a culture of equality and support for both men and women in their work and family roles.
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