Finding Time for Yourself as an Architect Mum (Without Feeling Guilty or Going Crazy)

Updated: Jun 7, 2023

Do you take time for yourself?

I know... finding time for yourself can be as rare as finding a unicorn in your backyard.

But finding time for yourself as an architect mum can be as precious as finding a diamond in your pocket. Let's face it, when we have time for ourselves we are better people for everyone around us. Yes, that means taking time for yourself can make you a better mum, a better architect, a better person.

Making time to care for yourself is vitally important. It can be anything from reading a book, listening to music or having a cup of tea in peace. It is important for your well being in that it can help you:

Unplug and unwind from the stresses and demands of everyday life.

Boost your self-confidence by realising that you are important and deserve to have some time for yourself.

Think more clearly and make better decisions by giving your brain a chance to rest and recharge.

But how do you squeeze in some me-time between your deadlines, meetings, and presentations? How do you carve out some space for yourself among your laundry, dishes, and nappies? How do you pamper yourself without neglecting your clients, colleagues, and family? Start by putting it in your diary and treat it with the same importance as those meetings and presentations. You will benefit from taking care of yourself and your mental health.

I used to spend a lot of time feeling guilty about taking time out for myself. I knew that taking time to myself made me a better person - something that everyone around me will benefit from, but I still found it quite a tricky thing to do. There were a couple of life events that taught me to slow down and made me rethink my priorities. I'm telling my story here in the hope that you make the change without having to experience the repercussions of burn out.

Throughout studying, before having a child, I worked crazy hours at the weekends, Friday nights,15 hour days on Saturdays, and Sundays. I worked two jobs to help fund my studies. I didn't have much time for a social life. I didn't see it at the time but I was always on go, I very rarely had any downtime, but that was okay, I enjoyed all of the work. It was my social life.

After having my little one I dropped one of my jobs, I reduced my hours as much as I could, but if you knew me then, I wasn't good at saying no. I would always find a way to make it all work... until it didn't.

After I finished my masters I fell ill, it's like my body was saying "hey, slow down girl". I had a pretty big scare, went through a lot; visits to A+E, tests, procedures and surgery. I remember being in a hospital bed on my birthday thinking I was going for surgery and that day would be the start of my recovery, when the surgeon explained that he wasn't happy with the results he had read and surgery was going to have to wait another while. Fast forward a few months of more testing - biopsies, bloods, scans, I was given the all clear for surgery and thankfully it was a success, I was on the road to recovery. You would think an event like that would be the turning point, the point where you decide that it's time to start prioritising myself a bit more. It wasn't!

I took a couple of weeks to recover then went on the hunt for a job in practice, as a fresh out of masters, part 2. I guess, looking back I went on the hunt for a job as a source of income for my family, not for my own enjoyment or to achieve my own goals. I liked the practice, and I learnt a lot in my role. Again being the yes girl that could make it all happen (at my own expense) I hit the ground running on everything that was asked of me. I managed my stress well, I thought. Working in a highly stressful environment alongside studying part 3 left me in hospital again. Unrelated to the first, but ill again none the less. It was difficult to come to terms with the fact that I was putting my body under tremendous stress, I had to slow down. Thanks to a quick acting office manager (bringing me to a+e after I collapsed on the floor at work), and a couple of very clued in nurses and doctors I was on the mend within a week, but it could have gone very differently. 6 weeks recovery at home and I was back to work, back to the same old routine, back to the stresses, and back to making no time for me. I made a decision not long after I returned to work - that following part 3, I needed to make changes to how I was treating myself.

Now I put my health and well bring to the forefront. After all, your health is your wealth. I can't achieve any of the things I dream of if I'm not healthy.

I started a new job, in a new practice. Scheduled in some me-time that works for our family and continue to try and live by the following rules:

Make yourself a priority

Ask for help

Say no as a default

Do something you love

Make yourself a priority

Making yourself a priority is the first and most important tip to find time for yourself. You need to make yourself a priority by realising that you are not a robot, a superhero, or a martyr. You are a human being who has needs, wants, and desires. You need to make yourself a priority by remembering that you are not only an architect and a mum, you are also a woman who has values, goals, and dreams. Making yourself a priority will help you understand that you deserve time for yourself, and that taking care of yourself is not selfish but essential. After all, you can't pour from an empty cup.

Ask for help

Asking for help is the second and most practical tip to find time for yourself as an architect mum. You need to ask for help from your partner, family members, friends, or professionals who can support you with your work and family responsibilities. You also need to ask for help from yourself by being kind, compassionate, and forgiving to yourself. Asking for help will help you reduce your stress, workload, and burden. After all, you can't do everything by yourself.

Say no

Saying no is the third and most powerful tip to find time for yourself. You need to say no to requests, invitations, or opportunities that are not aligned with your priorities, interests, or values. You also need to say no to distractions, interruptions, or temptations that are not conducive to your productivity, creativity, or happiness. Saying no will help you create boundaries, space, and time for yourself. After all, you can't please everyone all the time. You can say no in work too, let your boss know that something isn't feasible. It will help them be realistic with their expectations.

Do something you love

Doing something you love is the fourth and most enjoyable tip to find time for yourself. You need to do something you love that makes you happy, fulfilled, and alive. You need to do something you love that challenges you, teaches you, and allows you to grow. Doing something you love will help you express yourself, discover yourself, and reward yourself.

After all, you can't live without passion and purpose.

But don't take my word for it.

Try it for yourself.

You might be surprised by how much time you actually have for yourself.